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Ayahuasca Visions, Part 2
Ceremony 4, December 9
Hamilton said that this night we should be seeking closure.
I asked for and received a very light cup. I didn't think that I could face another night and day like the one before. My intention this night was to find the little goat/deer demon that I had seen in my dream from back in May, the dream that told me to come to Peru. This demon, which I had possessed and dominated maybe all my life, needed to be set free.
The coughing, gagging, and dry heaves began about an hour into the ceremony. However, this time the activity stopped abruptly after only a few minutes. At that moment, I saw a picture of a corral and written on it were the following words: "See you later. Drink more water". My interpretation was that the little demon had gone. However, it left open the possibility that it might return one day, perhaps as a friend and ally.
I also had the sudden realization that all of the suffering from the previous nights was due to an aversion to the nausea and fear of a high dose of Ayahuasca. The dry heaves were an attempt to rid myself of the Ayahuasca before it was ready to leave. Once I accepted the nausea, as I had done during the first ceremony, I was able to handle the nausea and in fact the nausea diminished dramatically. For my friends who are familiar with Vipassana, this is the same experience a student has when learning that technique. In Vipassana terms, by experiencing the sensation of nausea with equanimity, I had released my aversion.
The interesting insight is that spiritual purification can be viewed in at least two ways, both relevant and accurate. The release of an aversion to a sensation during Vipassana meditation is fundamentally identical to the shamanic exorcism of a demon or the release of dark energy. The difference is only one of perception. The result is the same.
A second insight is that Ayahuasca has intention. It has an agenda to take you someplace or teach you something. If you follow willingly, the experience can be wonderful. If you resist, due to fear, ignorance, or stubborness, the experience can be hell. It teaches you how to surrender.
Intermission, December 10
An interesting story unfolded between the 4th and 5th ceremony. Hamilton says that there is a forest creature, called a chullachaki. Chullachaki is a short, human-like creature, something like a leprechaun, very selfish, ego-centric, and mischievous. It also has a weakness for the ladies and tries to seduce them.
Several of the other participants claimed to have met the one living near Blue Morpho. It managed to extract promises of mapacho (tobacco) from some of the women. One of the women was even considering taking it back to New York with her. It took awhile, but Hamilton talked her out of such a reckless idea, saying that if the chullachaki ever got angry with her or jealous of a boyfriend, it would make her life or the life of her boyfriend miserable. It would act like a poltergeist, moving and hiding things.
That night, the chullachaki came to the window of a woman who had promised an offering of mapacho, but that had failed to deliver. It was angry and it terrified and sickened the woman. Hamilton and one of the apprentices awoke, sensing the crisis. Hamilton intervened, gave the chullachaki some tobacco, and told it to leave the woman alone. The woman was a mess the next day and was too sick to drink Ayahuasca the last night.
Ceremony 5, December 11
Hamilton said that all of the Ayahuasca ceremonies are actually part of a single multi-day ceremony. As such, he wanted this last ceremony to be a closure, to consolidate past lessons, and to help establish the presence of the various tree spirits within us for the return home. I presume that he spoke that intention into each of the cups, since almost everyone had a quiet night, with few extreme purges.
When it came my turn to request a dosage, I requested a little less than half a cup. The result was as dramatic as any before, including the first night. Muscle writhings. Exaggerated, almost painful yawns. Flooding of sensations that were difficult to contain. However, the ayahuasca did not taste nearly as bad as on prior nights.
My dominant intention for the ceremony was one of gratitude. By continuously thanking people, spirits, and self, I did not fight the experience and it stayed gentle for the entire evening. Nausea was dimished and remained bearable. I never came close to puking. I was able to remain equanimous towards nausea.
The visuals that night were the most intense. I could feel myself being lifted off my mat and taken on a trip, at first around the dome of the ceremonial house, and then beyond. Some places were the same ones that I remembered from the first night. Most of the places that I visited I have forgotten, but some of the highlights I do remember:
For some of the time, especially at the beginning of the evening, I was aware of Deer Woman standing over me. She told me that tonight would be fun. I tried to see her face, and she tried to show it to me, but all I could see was her silhouette. She told me that I was not quite ready to see her.
Sometime later, I watched pieces of steel plating fall off of me to the ground, raising dust with loud thuds. I saw this as the last vestiges of the armor that I told my psychoanalyst from the 1990s I wore to protect myself from change and from personal relationships.
Not too long after, perhaps due to the new lightness of my psyche, I found myself rising up out of a prison. I accelerated up into the night sky, spinning. Eventually, I rose into deep space, watching a nebula being born, expanding and evolving.
At the end of the ceremony, Hamilton went around to perform a ventiata on each person. When it was my turn, each time he blew smoke on and through me, I felt a jolt of electricity, causing me to spasm with laughter.
After the ceremony, I got the usual warnings of diarrhea. I crawled to the bathroom on hands and knees, unable to walk. Some of the other participatants asked me if I needed any help. I joked with them as I crawled and thanked Ayahuasca for the experience of humility. In the bathroom, I had incredible quantities of gas, and since the bathrooms were open at the top, everyone could listen to my farts and diarrhea - yet another exercise in humility. At one point someone commented on a particularly loud and lengthy fart, cheering me on with something like "Get out the funk", which resulted in a bout of shared laughter.
Late that night, I clearly heard a voice just outside the round house from where I was laying, calling Dick Delaney (the mispronounciation of Delanoy that people often make when they first read my name). When I asked if the entity calling me was there to serve my higher self, it said "Naw, forget it" and left me alone to sleep.
CONTINUE
Copyright (c) 2007 by Dick Delanoy
Pictures included with permission from Blue Morpho Tours
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